Frau Mutter Renate

☙ 𝑀𝑒𝓃 𝒸𝓇𝓎 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒹𝒶𝓇𝓀, 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝓃𝑜 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝓈𝑒𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓂. ❧

The Mask of Piotr

Piotr never thought he had a problem. He was just like any other man in Łódź—rough around the edges, but who wasn’t? He worked his job, met his friends for beer and football, swiped through Tinder, and when loneliness hit too hard, he visited escorts. Not often. Just when the silence in his apartment became unbearable.

He prided himself on being tough. He laughed at emotional men, called them weak, rolled his eyes when women talked about feelings. That’s not for men, he’d say, taking another sip of beer. His friends agreed. They joked about their girlfriends, called women hysterical, mocked those who wanted more than just fun.

But something gnawed at Piotr—something he refused to name.

Aggression became his shield. When frustration bubbled up, he lashed out. He yelled at waiters, insulted women online, belittled his colleagues. It felt good for a second. Then came the silence again. And in that silence, his father’s voice—cold, demanding, never satisfied—crept back in.

One night, Piotr booked another escort. Routine. But when he arrived, the woman looked at him differently. No fake smile, no pretense. Instead, she tilted her head and asked, “Are you sure you’re in the right place?”

He frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I don’t think you need sex. I think you need someone to talk to.”

Piotr scoffed, reaching for his wallet. “I’m paying, aren’t I?”

She shook her head. “I won’t take your money.”

For the first time in years, Piotr didn’t know what to say. No woman had ever refused him before.

She leaned back. “You look like someone trying to outrun something. What is it?”

He opened his mouth to argue, to tell her she didn’t know anything. But the words didn’t come.

And for the first time in his life, Piotr talked.

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What Is Depression?

Piotr isn’t just a character. He is millions of men worldwide—hiding depression behind aggression, humor, or silence. Raised to believe emotion is weakness. That asking for help is shameful.

Depression in men often looks different than in women. Instead of sadness, it appears as:

• Anger and Irritability – Short-tempered, lashing out.

• Risky Behavior – Excessive drinking, reckless sex, dangerous activities.

• Workaholism – Burying themselves in work to avoid feelings.

• Emotional Numbness – Detachment from life, relationships, and themselves.

Studies show men are significantly less likely to seek help, often because they don’t recognize the symptoms in themselves. Instead, they turn to distractions—work, alcohol, casual sex, online gaming, social media outrage. Anything to avoid facing what’s inside.

But where does it all start?

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The Father Wound: How Boys Become Broken Men

Many men like Piotr grew up with fathers who were emotionally absent, critical, or abusive. Studies show a father’s treatment of his son has lifelong effects. If a boy grows up being told to man up, to suppress his feelings, to never show weakness, he learns emotions are something to be ashamed of.

Children of abusive or emotionally distant fathers are more likely to:

• Develop depression and anxiety in adulthood.

• Struggle with anger management and aggression.

• Have difficulty forming healthy relationships.

• Engage in self-destructive behaviors like substance abuse or reckless sex.

Piotr’s father never hit him. But he made him feel small. Mocked him when he cried. Called him weak when he showed fear. Never praised him. Never hugged him.

So Piotr learned: To be a man means being cold, distant, in control.

But that control was an illusion.

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Not Just the System: The Business of Suffering

Piotr’s suffering didn’t come from nowhere. It wasn’t just his father’s voice haunting him or the patriarchy forcing him into emotional suppression.

Piotr was a customer in a system that treated men’s pain as a business opportunity.

Society offered him services—distractions to keep him from realizing the depth of his unhappiness. Alcohol was a service. Porn was a service. Casual sex was a service. Aggression was a service, encouraged by a culture that rewarded men for dominance and violence. Even his own identity as a Polish man came with a pre-packaged provider: the education system.

Since childhood, Piotr had been taught what it meant to be a man. His provider wasn’t just his father—it was his school, his church, his country. He received services in the form of strict gender expectations, nationalistic narratives, and religious duties. But none of these actually helped him process his emotions or heal. Instead, they reinforced the idea that his worth depended on external validation.

Piotr’s story started in Catholicism, where his first service package was delivered: Be strong. Be a provider. Be the head of the household. His father, his priest, his teachers—all repeated the same message.

But what if Piotr had been born into a different religion provider system?

Religion: Different Systems, Same Control

Christianity (Catholicism):

Piotr grew up believing that a man must be a provider and protector. The Bible reinforced this idea:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)

Men were expected to be sacrificial—always giving, always strong. A wife’s role was to be devoted, but only if the husband maintained control and stability. If a man struggled emotionally, he was seen as failing both God and his family. Therapy? No, prayer. Emotions? No, responsibility.

But what if Piotr had converted to Judaism?

Judaism:

Depending on the tradition, Piotr might have found more flexibility. The Talmud acknowledges emotional well-being, and Jewish teachings often emphasize the balance between duty and self-care. However, masculinity is still tied to knowledge, leadership, and religious obligations. The Torah sets strict gender roles:

“Cursed be anyone who does not uphold the words of this law by doing them.” (Deuteronomy 27:26)

Piotr might have been taught to study, to argue, to be intellectual—but still, emotions were secondary.

And what if he had converted to Islam?

Islam:

Piotr would have encountered a different but equally rigid system. The Quran prescribes clear male responsibilities:

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means.” (Quran 4:34)

Men are providers. Leaders. Emotionally resilient. Crying, vulnerability? Weakness. Islam does offer guidance on mental health, but within a strict framework—struggle is a test of faith, and emotions should be controlled through prayer and discipline.

Would Buddhism Be the Healthiest Option?

Unlike the major Abrahamic religions, Buddhist philosophy does not impose rigid gender expectations. Instead, it teaches mindfulness, self-awareness, and emotional balance. The Four Noble Truths acknowledge suffering as part of life, but instead of ignoring or suppressing pain, Buddhism encourages understanding and acceptance.

In that sense, Buddhist ideology could be seen as healthier for mental well-being, as it allows men to acknowledge their emotions without guilt. However, Buddhism also has its own structures of discipline, and in many Buddhist cultures, traditional gender roles still exist. It is not a utopia—but it does offer a different perspective.

Poland and the Opfer-Syndrom: A National Identity of Suffering

Piotr didn’t just carry personal pain. He carried generational pain.

From childhood, he was taught about Poland’s eternal victimhood—how the nation had been attacked, betrayed, and nearly erased by its enemies. His history classes hammered in the idea:

• Germany tried to exterminate us.

• Russia oppressed us.

• The world abandoned us.

He grew up believing that being Polish meant suffering. How could he not develop a victim complex? How could he ever feel safe in the world when his entire identity was built on the idea that everyone hated him?

But it wasn’t just history books that shaped Piotr. It was school itself.

How Schools Condition Boys

Piotr learned early that expressing emotions—especially in front of other boys—was dangerous. In middle school, whenever boys huddled together to talk, their Polish teacher sneered at them. “Are you girls gossiping?” she’d say. “Or maybe you’re gay?”

When a boy was too soft-spoken, too sensitive, or didn’t act dominant enough, he got labeled. “Zboczeniec.” Pervert.

And most of the time, it was female teachers who did this.

It wasn’t because they were inherently cruel—it was because they, too, had been conditioned by the same system. These women had been raised to believe that real men were strong, aggressive, and in control. If a boy didn’t fit the mold, they mocked him into compliance. They weren’t helping him become a better person. They were teaching him to survive in a brutal world by making sure he was brutal first.

So Piotr toughened up. He learned to laugh at other boys before they could laugh at him. He learned that being kind made him weak, and weakness made him a target.

And yet, instead of questioning this, Piotr did what many Polish men did—he internalized the victim complex (more about this 🔜) and turned it into anger.

Instead of healing, he blamed others.

Instead of seeking help, he drank.

Instead of feeling, he lashed out.

And when everything collapsed, he followed the script society had written for him: he blamed women.

The “Women Are to Blame” Myth

Men like Piotr often believe that their misery comes from women.

• Women humiliated them in school.

• Women rejected them as adults.

• Women expect too much, talk too much, feel too much.

It’s easier to say “Feminism ruined everything” than to admit that their suffering was built into the system long before they ever met a woman.

But the truth is, no woman can fix a man who refuses to heal himself.

Women did not create the system that broke you. But they are tired of being asked to carry its casualties.

If You Recognize Yourself in Piotr’s Story…

If you are a man struggling with depression, the answer is not in hurting others, in using women as an emotional crutch, or in suppressing your pain. The answer is in acknowledging that you were lied to—and choosing to do something about it.

Here’s what you can do:

1. Acknowledge the Problem. Depression isn’t weakness. Ignoring it won’t make it go away.

2. Seek Help. Therapy isn’t just for women. Men need emotional support, too.

3. Learn Emotional Intelligence. Start by asking yourself: What am I feeling right now? Why?

4. Break the Cycle. If your father was emotionally distant, make a conscious effort to be different. If you have sons, teach them that emotions are human, not just for girls.

5. Stop Blaming Women. Your pain is real, but it is your responsibility. No woman, no relationship, no sexual conquest will ever fix it for you.

Piotr’s story doesn’t have to be yours.

If you recognize yourself or someone ells in his journey, know that there is another way. And it starts with choosing to heal.