꧁ (𝒩𝑜𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒾𝓈 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝓅𝓇𝑒𝒸𝒾𝑜𝓊𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓃 𝒶 𝓁𝑜𝓎𝒶𝓁𝓉𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓃𝒹𝓈 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝓉𝓇𝒾𝒶𝓁𝓈) ꧂
The Cost of Loyalty: A Woman’s Currency in a Man’s World
“Rien n’est plus précieux qu’une fidélité à toute épreuve.”
(Nothing is more precious than a loyalty that withstands all trials.)
The evening was warm, and the city outside hummed softly under the weight of its own secrets. I sat in Aisha’s apartment, the air thick with the scent of spiced tea and something deeper—comfort, familiarity, the kind of safety that only exists between women who trust each other. She poured herself another glass of wine, swirling the deep red liquid with practiced ease, while I sipped on my coffee, as usual, the responsible one in the room.
Aisha—the woman that, by every social expectation, should be the perfect embodiment of loyalty. She is a mother. A woman who covers herself. A woman who, in public, would never entertain the idea of disrespecting her husband. But there she was, laughing as she exhaled a slow stream of smoke, her words slipping out like they carried no weight at all.
“Of course, I cheat on my man,” she said, glancing at me with amusement, as if I were the naive one. “If he doesn’t obey? If he doesn’t buy me what I want? If he doesn’t take care of me?”
For a moment, I just stared.
Me—the one covered in tattoos, the one people assume is wild and reckless, the one expected to break rules. And yet, in that moment, I felt like a museum artifact—a relic from a time when loyalty was something to be earned through love, not purchased like a designer bag.
And then, after the shock settled, my mind wandered to Simone de Beauvoir, who once wrote:
“A man is socially encouraged to be promiscuous; a woman is punished for it. A woman is taught to find her security in a man; a man is taught to find his pleasure wherever he can.”
Was Aisha an exception? Or was she simply someone who had understood the rules of the game better than the rest of us?
Because let’s be honest—men have never been expected to be loyal. Infidelity has been their privilege for centuries, written into their history, justified by their nature. It’s why cheating husbands are forgiven but cheating wives are burned at the stake—sometimes metaphorically, sometimes literally. And yet, when a woman like Aisha flips the script, when she treats loyalty as something transactional—just as men have done for centuries—it feels like a crime against nature.
But is it?
Or is it just capitalism doing what capitalism does best—turning human connection into a transaction, turning loyalty into a luxury good?
Infidelity as a Leading Cause of Divorce
Infidelity is one of the most common reasons cited for divorce. A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that 59.6% of individuals cite infidelity as a major contributing factor to divorce (source).
In many countries, infidelity is cited as a top reason for divorce, but the exact percentages fluctuate based on cultural and legal factors.
Infidelity doesn’t just break relationships—it breaks homes, breaks stability, and breaks the concept of trust before children even understand what trust is.
The Gendered Double Standard of Infidelity
Women are disproportionately judged for infidelity, while men are often excused. Research indicates that societal norms judge women more harshly than men for similar behaviors, reflecting deep-seated patriarchal values (source).
Think about it. When a man cheats, people say:
“Well, men are just like that.”
But when a woman cheats?
“She’s disgusting. She ruined her family. She’s a whore.”
Men cheat because they can. Women cheat because they realize they’ve been played.
The Myth of Male Infidelity as ‘Biological’
Men love to tell us that cheating is in their nature.
“I need to spread my seed.”
“It’s evolution.”
“Men are hunters.”
But these are the same men who:
❌ Refuse to have kids.
❌ Demand abortions when their side chick gets pregnant.
❌ Cry when a woman wants child support.
And let’s not forget—
❌ They cheat the most.
❌ They have the highest rates of STDs.
❌ They “forget” condoms.
Where is this strong biological need now?
A man will say:
“It’s just in my nature, baby.”
And then turn around and tell you:
“But you better not even look at another man.”
So let’s be clear—
Men don’t cheat because of biology. They cheat because of privilege.
How Women Protect Themselves from Cheaters
Women have developed multiple ways to safeguard themselves from unfaithful partners:
• Open Communication: Encouraging honest discussions about expectations can fortify trust.
• Perspective-Taking: Understanding a partner’s viewpoint can reduce the desire to cheat (source).
• Mate Guarding: Some women engage in behaviors to protect their relationships from potential threats (source).
• Online Communities: Women increasingly use online networks to expose unfaithful partners (source).
Religion: The Ultimate Double Standard
Religion loves to police women’s loyalty.
📖 Christianity: “Wives, submit to your husbands.”
☪️ Islam: “A man may have four wives, but a woman must be faithful to one.”
✡️ Judaism: “A righteous woman is her husband’s crown.”
But where are the rules for men?
📌 Why does the Bible punish women for infidelity with stoning—but let men take multiple wives?
📌 Why does Islam allow men to “discipline” unfaithful wives—but let men keep mistresses?
📌 Why do Christian priests tell women to “pray harder” if their husbands cheat—but tell men to divorce “unfaithful” wives?
The truth is, patriarchal systems demand women’s loyalty as a means of control.
The Price of Loyalty
People always say we have two wolves inside us—one good, one bad—constantly fighting for dominance.
I never believed that.
I always thought my inner world was more like two lazy cats, curled up in the sun, too comfortable to start a fight.
And then came Aisha’s words.
And then came my judgment.
And then came the ghost of my mother’s voice, whispering,
“You judge others the way you judge yourself.”
And suddenly, my peaceful, lazy cats were wide awake, claws out.
Because I wasn’t just judging her.
I was judging me.
I was judging myself for still believing in love.
For still dreaming of a life that might never exist.
A life as a TradWife, somewhere in the countryside.
With chickens, goats, sheep, and my two schnauzers running by my side.
A life where love is simple, loyalty is natural, and men provide not because they own, but because they cherish.
And then Aisha laughed, sipping her wine, and reminded me—
“If men expect submission, why shouldn’t we expect a price? If they don’t obey, why should we?”
And that’s when I realized—
Maybe my TradWife dream was just another way of suppressing myself.
Maybe I was feminist because I wanted to be a TradWife.
Because at the end of the day, I still ask myself—
How much does loyalty cost?
What is the price of true love?
And maybe, just maybe… was Aisha right all along?
I don’t know. I can’t answer that.
But maybe you can.
Tell me in the comments. I’ll be reading.
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