O mankind, We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Verily, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you.”
— Surah Al-Hujurat (49:13)
Silence Is Not Empty. It’s Full of Everything I Couldn’t Say.
This was meant to be a blog post about hygiene and underwear. But life had other plans. It gave me a man who disrespected my boundaries and nearly destroyed me—physically and emotionally. He left behind nothing but disappointment and excruciating pain.
Let me start from the beginning.
I met this man two days ago. We had agreed to meet until 6 p.m. at the latest. He knew perfectly well that I prefer appointments to end by then. But of course—he was late. He arrived at 6:15.
Instead of the flowers I had politely requested, he brought a bottle of shower gel labeled “Smell of Money and Sex.” He thought he was being clever—charming, even. His explanation? “Flowers would be too romantic for you.” As if I didn’t deserve any romance at all.
He took a shower. That was the last moment when anything about this meeting still felt remotely okay.
He returned to the room—completely naked—expecting me to immediately throw myself onto his penis. I refused. I gently asked him for a soft massage instead. I told him clearly: “I’m not in the mood, I’m actually quite stressed. Please give me a gentle massage.”
His reaction? “You’re ruining my fantasy.”
I tried to keep it light, still hoping to reach him: “Oh come on.”
Eventually, he gave in—or so I thought.
But instead of a gentle massage, he grabbed my shoulders so hard I felt like I was caught between steel clamps. I asked him—twice—to please be gentler. But he didn’t listen. He placed his hands on my lower back and pressed down so hard I couldn’t breathe. It felt like he had broken something.
I pleaded with him to be softer. Four times.
I even jumped up a couple of times, trying to turn away—but he pinned me down on the bed and refused to listen.
He continued. He pressed on my back so forcefully that I felt as though my spine might not withstand it. Tears welled up in my eyes as he applied pressure to my thigh. I could have hit him. I had asked him four times to be gentle, until I gave up and asked him to stop massaging me altogether. I regretted it. And yes, I know he punished me because, as Polish men say, when a woman is not obedient, she must be physically punished. The problem is that this lesson often comes from the Catholic Church.
But it went further, before we return to the Catholic Church and its teachings on disciplining women. The man inserted his penis into me. And it hurt. The position he chose to penetrate me was painful for me. Still, he didn’t stop. And when I pointed out that I didn’t want it, he threatened to press on my other leg as well, with his charming smile. I kept my mouth shut. I said nothing more. Then he demanded a change of position, and another, no matter how often I said I didn’t want it. My “no” meant nothing to him. It was like a hashtag, confused under one of your photos on Instagram. Pointless, but somehow there.
While I told him that my whole body hurt and I didn’t want any more sex with him, he accused me of lying, saying that I had already come and he hadn’t, for the second time. Meanwhile, he didn’t even realise that I hadn’t come at all. Well, because after he finished and my body was burning with indescribable pain, my lower back hurt extremely, he went to take a shower. And afterwards, he made a fuss, stating that he wouldn’t pay more than he usually does, because he didn’t see the point. And because he found it outrageous that I had already mentioned last time that I wanted him to pay like everyone else. He said it in a tone that made it clear to me that if I said no now, I would get nothing at all. And since my body already hurt and I felt dirtier than ever after sex, I agreed that he would pay what he wanted.
He closed the door, I turned around, locked all the locks behind him, and went to take a shower. With complete pain throughout my body. And two questions that hovered in my mind. What did I do to deserve such behaviour? And why did he behave that way? He spoke of wanting to keep me in Poland, wanting to see me regularly, wanting to read my blog to understand how to deal with me. But I already knew that none of that was true. Because this man, like every other Polish man who came to me, just wanted to polish his ego through my body.
That night, my head was already burning with indescribable pain. I couldn’t sit. I couldn’t lie down. My back hurt so much that I was sure I would need a hospital. So I wrote him a message at 3 a.m. That what he had done was not fair. I hadn’t done anything to him. I had only asked him to be gentle. I had asked him to bring flowers; instead, he brought some rubbish that I wouldn’t even offer to a homeless person. And he was so proud of himself. I hadn’t asked him to ruin my back. But he did it anyway, because in his eyes, I deserved punishment. Because next time, I shouldn’t make the mistake of expressing my opinion. Not to him, not to anyone else. I wrote to him that I realised that. That I found the price imposition unfair. But the pain I felt wasn’t any better, even after taking painkillers. Three hours later, I took another tablet, as the pain nearly tore me apart. I couldn’t breathe anymore. My back hurt so much that every step felt as if I had broken bones. I couldn’t sit. I couldn’t lie down. I couldn’t cry. This man was convinced that even if he had broken my bones, I deserved it. But what do you think? Did I really? Just because I asked for tenderness, which in his eyes I didn’t deserve?
At seven o’clock, I sent him another message. But this time, not asking him to pay like a normal guest, which he had refused, but stating that he was banned from the house and any further contact was unwanted. But it also made me think. Why do men behave like this towards women? Is it that we are too open through Instagram and other messengers? Maybe it’s also that, as I mentioned in previous blog posts, platforms like TikTok or Instagram spread misogyny. At the end of the day, OnlyFans was never meant for prostitution. But it was degraded by men for that purpose. TikTok wasn’t intended as a platform for misogynistic behaviour. But it was used by men for that. Instagram was never made to serve as a sex catalogue for Polish men. But it was abused for that. So maybe we are too open? Do we give too many attack surfaces for men who then feel validated by other men that their reaction goes unpunished?
And to be clear. Today, I’m feeling better. I still can’t really move my shoulders, but it’s manageable. I have extremely high cortisol levels in my body right now. Which leads to me not feeling hungry.
Research has shown that stress-induced cortisol reactivity can lead to increased caloric intake after exposure to stressors. For instance, a study published in Psychoneuroendocrinology found that individuals with high cortisol reactivity consumed more calories after stress, indicating a complex relationship between stress and eating behaviors.
Additionally, chronic stress can disrupt normal physiological functions, and elevated cortisol, the body’s primary stress hormone, can suppress appetite in the short term and lead to various health issues if levels remain high over time.
Men believe that the law protects them, that they have the right to do anything. As a woman, you’re not allowed to tell a man, “Hey, I don’t want you to behave like a pick-me,” because he immediately throws a tantrum, as his fragile ego can’t handle it. When a man hears “no,” he doesn’t accept it, because “no” isn’t certain when a woman says it. And if you repeat it, he feels entitled to punish you. And here, I recall a conversation with my father, where he said that even a priest in his Catholic church said that if a woman isn’t obedient, you’re allowed to physically punish her. There were also some Polish priests who preached the same sermon on YouTube, which led many men to believe that they have the right to abuse women, because after all, that’s what the Catholic Church teaches, right? And no, I know there’s hardly anything that says you should rape your wife, especially when she says no, but hey, as long as the woman stays silent because the shame that you gave her money is too great, you feel entitled, right? Well, I would be convinced to go to the police if the pain didn’t ease the next day, because I’m not a training ground, and not a toy you should punish. And I’m not the only one who seems to think that. Recently, I saw an advertisement on YouTube from DUMFON, and then I checked. . How popular is this DUMFON actually? And above all, why? How many people have the same as me? Just fed up with always being available, always being blamed, abused, disregarded by algorithms that now only prefer aggressive male behaviour.
📊 Who’s Embracing Dumb Phones?
• Generation Z Leads the Shift: Approximately 16% of Gen Z adults in the U.S. currently own a dumb phone, the highest among all generations. Additionally, 28% express interest in acquiring one, compared to 26% of millennials, 13% of Gen X, and 9% of baby boomers .
• Gender Insights: While specific gender-based statistics are limited, the movement is notably prominent among young women. Influencers like Caitlin Kunz have highlighted the benefits of reduced screen time, with her switch to a dumb phone decreasing her daily usage from 12 hours to 3 .
💡 Motivations Behind the Movement
• Mental Health and Digital Detox: A significant 85% of surveyed individuals aim to reduce daily screen time, and 78% express concerns about the mental health impacts of excessive screen exposure .
• Nostalgia and Simplicity: The appeal of retro devices, like the Nokia 3310, resonates with those yearning for the straightforwardness of earlier mobile technology eras .
• Privacy and Security: With growing apprehensions about data privacy, many find solace in devices that limit internet access and app installations .
• Affordability and Durability: Dumb phones are generally more cost-effective and robust, making them attractive to budget-conscious consumers and those seeking longer-lasting devices .
📈 Market Trends
Sales of dumb phones have seen a notable uptick. For instance, HMD Global, the maker of Nokia phones, Reporter tens of thousands of basic phone sales monthly in the U.S. during 2022, with a 5% increase in flip phone sales . This trend is also gaining momentum in Europe.
🔍 Further Reading
For more in-depth insights into this movement, consider exploring the following articles:
• The ‘boring phone’: stressed-out Gen Z ditch smartphones for dumbphones
• A skeptic’s guide to quitting your smartphone
• Gen Z is giving up smartphones for flip phones – but life without a map app is almost impossible
• Yes, Young People Really Are Curious About ‘Dumb’ Technology
🔁 From Control to Choice: What It Means for Men Today
1. Loss of Surveillance Power
For decades, digital tools were subtly (or not-so-subtly) used by men to monitor, control, or track partners. From WhatsApp “last seen” to location-sharing, the smartphone was not just communication — it was control.
➡️ With dumb phones rising in popularity, that surveillance culture is being dismantled. A woman with a Nokia can’t be tracked, can’t be spammed on Instagram, and doesn’t have to answer your 2 a.m. message.
Implication for men: If your relationships relied on digital access, you’re going to have to build real trust. No more passive control through apps.
⸻
2. No More Algorithmic Ego Feeding
Smartphones, especially social media, have served as performance stages. Men could curate a desirable image, message dozens of women at once, and scroll for endless validation.
➡️ But Gen Z is increasingly calling BS. They’re choosing reality over curation, boredom over dopamine hits, and private peace over public performance.
Implication for men: You can’t rely on filtered charm. If you have nothing to offer in real life — intellectually, emotionally, or socially — you’ll be ignored. Women aren’t logging in to be impressed anymore.
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3. Younger Women Are Setting New Boundaries
This generation of women is tired. Tired of harassment in DMs, of unsolicited attention, of being reduced to their images and pixels.
➡️ So they’re walking away. They’re buying flip phones. They’re unreachable. They’re disengaging.
Implication for men: If you saw a smartphone as your open door to women’s time, attention, or body — that door is closing. Fast.
⸻
📵 “I Don’t Want to Be Targeted Anymore”
The return to dumb phones is a feminist act, a protest, and a self-protection strategy all in one. It’s Gen Z — especially young women — saying:
“I don’t want to be your market. I don’t want to be your data. I don’t want to be your late-night dopamine fix.”
So what does this mean for men?
➡️ It means they must relearn intimacy — not as access granted by default, but as something earned.
➡️ It means the era of passive attention is ending. If a woman disappears into the analog world, and you still want to reach her, you’ll need to show up with more than just a meme and a “wyd”.
✊🏼 I’m Not the Product Anymore
So, what does it all really mean?
It means I’m not alone in wanting to leave —
Not just this line of work, but the West’s patriarchal culture, the Christian churches that teach women obedience, and the digital systems that make women products, not people.
Because toxic men are like cheap underwear:
They may look good for one night — but soon enough, they prove useless.
Worse, they cause damage. To the body. And to the soul.
I’m done being someone’s fantasy.
I’m done being the punchline of a priest’s misogynistic sermon.
And I’m certainly done being the late-night victim of a man whose only power comes from my silence.
No more.
And if you think that makes me difficult —
Then may every woman choose difficulty over submission.
And may the dumb phone be with you forever — and the smartphone grieve in peace.🪦
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