𝙻𝚊𝚋𝚞𝚋𝚞 𝙳𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚜 𝙲𝚞𝚝𝚎 𝚘𝚛 𝙴𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎?

My dear people, let me just say one thing:

Mother Renate should NOT have TikTok.

Not today, not tomorrow, not even in the afterlife.

Because what I dreamt last night — was no joke.

That little devil — La Bubu, that plush-faced demon with a grin like he’s hiding your internet history —

tried to eat me.

Not metaphorically.

With actual teeth. In my sleep.

I was standing there, in my own bedroom —

but somehow it was also the living room from one of those telly families with twelve kids and another on the way. You know the kind — “just one more, and then we’ll stop.”

And while I was trying to escape, the thing just laughed at me —

with a TikTok filter on its face and dodgy Wi-Fi flickering in the background.

I tried to call for help. The rabbi came to mind.

I mean, I spent ten years nearly converting — surely he could sort this out.

But La Bubu just cackled louder.

So then I thought of the Imam.

But I wasn’t sure — does an Imam even do house calls for demon-possessed algorithms and plush dolls with influencer contracts?

And just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, I had this horrible fear —

that instead of God or Gabriel showing up,

my dad would crawl out of the grave.

Serious face and all. And say:

“As long as the demon’s Catholic, he can stay.”

So, let’s be honest.

What actually is this thing? This LaBubu?

To my mind, this isn’t so much a toy as it is a grotesque little monster — far more reminiscent of some gremlin plucked from the pages of obscure Slavic or Nordic folklore than anything that ought to be sitting on a child’s shelf. Frankly, it looks less like something you’d collect and more like something you’d have exorcised.

Well. I googled it.

Because — let’s be real — when you’re trying not to spill your coffee across your entire desk during a mild anxiety attack, you Google weird things like this instead.

And oh boy.

You cannot imagine the existential horror of finding out that this wrinkly, grinning, demon-elf hybrid was sold last month for $170,000.

I’m not kidding.

This thing, that looks like it chews through USB cables and children’s dreams, was auctioned off like it was bloody vintage Chanel.

And it’s not even pretty.

It’s not elegant.

It’s not soft.

It looks like something a troll gave birth to in the back of an IKEA showroom after overdosing on bubble tea and Pinterest boards.

So what is LaBubu?

LaBubu is part of a toy-art collective known as The Monsters by How2Work, created by a Chinese artist known as Kasing Lung.

He’s a graphic designer and illustrator who initially made these as storybook characters. His creatures — especially LaBubu — have weirdly charming, grotesque features: big eyes, jagged teeth, animal ears, too much energy, and the kind of smug face that screams:

“Yes, I will curse your living room.”

Kasing Lung has said that he was inspired by Scandinavian folklore — think: forest trolls, goblins, creatures that snatch you if you don’t do your homework.

You know, the kind of bedtime stories that give children permanent anxiety but somehow make good collectibles.

But why is it popular?

That’s the real horror story, isn’t it?

Because LaBubu is not a toy.

It’s a status symbol.

It’s part of a world where people collect limited-edition “art toys” and treat them like sacred objects — while also dressing them up in outfits and posing them like influencers.

It’s the Hello Kitty of your nightmares.

It’s the Louis Vuitton of soul-consuming goblins.

TikTok picked it up, Pinterest ran with it, and suddenly every third spiritual mum-influencer wants a shelf full of them, next to their “healing crystals” and dead orchids.

And people like Frau Mutter Renate?

Well. She thinks it’s cute.

She thinks it’s wholesome.

She thinks it’s “quirky energy.”

Meanwhile, LaBubu is in the corner whispering incantations into your Wi-Fi router.

The Exorcist wasn’t available, so we called three guys instead.

Why I Can’t Trust This Thing (aka Why My First Thought Is Always “Call an Exorcist”)

Every time I see LaBubu — and I mean every single time, whether it’s on Pinterest, TikTok, or some influencer’s bookshelf next to a fake succulent —

my first thought is:

“Where is the nearest priest, rabbi or imam, and are they taking appointments?”

Because let’s be honest: I don’t trust anything that has eyes that wide open, teeth that that sharp, and still gets described as cute.

I’ve seen this pattern before.

I’ve watched enough horror films.

I know what happens when you turn your back on something that looks “quirky” and ends up blinking when you’re not even in the room.

You think I’m joking?

Let’s take a moment to remember Annabelle.

The Short Horror of Annabelle – Real Life, Not the Film

Annabelle wasn’t just a movie monster.

She’s real.

Well — the original version of her. Not the porcelain Hollywood version, but a plain, soft Raggedy Ann doll that was declared demonically possessed by two real-life paranormal investigators: Ed and Lorraine Warren.

According to them:

• She moved on her own.

• She left notes on paper no one in the house owned.

• She tried to strangle a guest who mocked her.

• And one guy, who laughed at her in her glass case at the Warrens’ museum?

Died in a motorcycle crash hours later.

To this day, she sits in a locked, blessed, sealed wooden box.

Labelled:

👉 “WARNING: Positively Do Not Open.”

And I don’t know about you, but when I see LaBubu — with that little demonic grin and those unblinking eyes — I get the same feeling I’d get if Annabelle had a TikTok.

⸻

Why Frau Mutter Renate Should Be Concerned

Now imagine Frau Mutter Renate, proud Catholic and part-time crocheting warrior, opening TikTok to find a video titled:

🧸 “Labubu gets pregnant by eating pom-poms (ASMR roleplay 💅✨).”

Tell me that’s not grounds for immediate Vatican-level concern.

Because some trends you can ignore.

Some you can laugh off.

But when your inner voice whispers “This thing would definitely move if the lights went out,” —

you don’t add it to your shopping cart.

You call your priest.

You call your Rabbi or Imam.

You call your therapist.

You call anyone but DHL.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/bridging-the-gulf/202505/why-we-love-labubu

Frau Mutter Renate

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